


Forgive & Forget

by onlyhereforellick



Category: NCIS
Genre: F/M, angst because duh, fic request, post s17
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:27:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24915361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onlyhereforellick/pseuds/onlyhereforellick
Summary: Forgive and forget. Love takes work. Marriage isn’t easy.
Relationships: Ellie Bishop/Nick Torres
Comments: 73
Kudos: 91





	1. people changed

**Author's Note:**

> for @wanna-be-bold's request for a Nick meets Jake fic (re: tumblr)......y'all wanted angst, so strap in for the riiiiide. 
> 
> btw they'll probably be short chapters, gotta work my way back into writing 😉

Her brain was officially rattled. Maybe it had been slowly making its way there over the past few months, but now- now it was officially so. Joe Smith died without a family surrounding him, died without a loved one by his side. There was nothing. Nothing but a distant investigative team that barely believed him until the end. Gibbs, the closest thing to family as he passed.

Did she really want to end up like that? Did she really want to be alone…forever?

Sure she’d tried to not be. She’d tried to marry the guy, make a home, dream of children. She’d tried to bounce back after the marriage fell apart. She’d tried to bounce back after her not-even-fiancé was murdered. She’d tried to bounce back when date after date failed fantastically. But nothing stuck. Nothing comforted Ellie at night when she woke up sweating, panting, heart racing at yet another night terror of her drowning. Nothing comforted Ellie at dawn when she heard the neighbor’s baby crying reminding her of that gaping love she desperately craved missing in her life. Nothing stuck.

But what if that didn’t have to be the case? What if she could move past the point where her life fell apart? She’d changed, right? In almost 4 years, she’d changed. The bright-eyed bushy-tailed Eleanor Raye Bishop the NSA used to know had come a long, _long_ way. If she could grow, if she could change- other people, certain people, may have too…right?

People learned from their mistakes—hell Ellie knew she certainly had—people changed.

_She didn’t want to be alone._

Forgive and forget. Love takes work. Marriage isn’t easy.

Those cliché sayings you hear and you scoff at when it’s not you, at least- not until it _is_ you.

And then crept in the one cliché that haunted her from the moment the words left his lips.

_You’re like a sister to me._

It sent shivers down her spine, turned her stomach, steeled her eyes. She refused to die alone. She refused to not learn from Joe Smith’s story. She refused to not try.

It’s how she found herself doing the one thing she swore- swore, she would never, ever find herself doing again.

Texting Jake.


	2. flooding back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clearly- she thought wrong.

Half of her didn’t expect him to respond. She truly had not spoken to her ex-husband in four years, she wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t. But at the same time... the divorce was her doing, Jake had wanted to try and fix their marriage.

So here she was, staring at the blue bubble encapsulating her simple words:

_**EB:** hey, croissants & crosswords?_

To anyone else it’d be the strangest offer ever, but to Jake it’d be a reminder of a bright spot in their relationship. A memory of the days spent in a tiny bakery, hunched over flaky buttery goodness working on the latest crossword puzzle as they worked to beat their latest record.

Ellie could practically smell the melted chocolate inside her croissant while her mind drifted to days of laughter and conversation—things that had slowly died down in the marriage as time wore on. She figured you were supposed to grow together in a marriage- individually and relationally. Joke and her certainly grew, just in opposite directions. But what about now? Had they grown while they were apart? Had they grown to the point where maybe, just maybe, they could work again? Maybe Jake had been right- maybe they should have tried to fix their marriage…

Yet as every second passed and there was no response, not even the three precious dots indicating he was typing, Ellie grew more and more wary. Unsure of her decision—maybe he’d changed his number, maybe he’d blocked hers, maybe he’d remarried—that thought sent a nice pit of regret settling in her stomach.

She shouldn’t have done this. She shouldn’t have texted him. _Why did she go back?_

Blessedly before Ellie could spiral further, three floating dots popped up on her screen, and an audible sigh of relief escaped her lips. Granted his response could be a nice telling her off with a how dare you contact me, but Ellie clenched her teeth and held out hope.

The moment the grey bubble appeared with a response, Ellie simultaneously received another message, dropping down from the top of her screen. Her heart froze.

_**NT:** sushi tonight?_

She hadn’t even seen Jake’s text yet- her vision blurred and focused solely on the text from Nick. A text that should seem harmless, because it was- just that- harmless. A simple invitation between friends, right?

_You’re like a sister to me._

It rang through her ears as it did every time he spoke to her. Every time he invited her somewhere. Every time she glanced at him from across the bullpen.

The words that had sliced a knife from her pelvis up to her collarbone- the words that gutted her.

And if she was being honest with herself, the words that sent her down this path. This path of desperation to not feel alone in life, because if she’d learned anything while being partners with Nick- you couldn’t bank all your eggs in one basket. Because the next thing you knew, the basket would have a hole and you’d find your eggs cracked on the sidewalk just like your soul.

_You’re like a sister to me._

Ellie used her thumb to pull down the message and send a quick reply. It took absolutely everything in her not to be petty. Everything to not send back “ _sorry, work stuff_.” But she knew he wouldn’t get the reference and take the hint. He wouldn’t remember the day he refused to own up to his jealousy. Just like the day months later he refused to own up to his jealousy.

_You’re like as sister to me._

She thought they’d been on to something, thought there were percolating feelings between the two. Clearly- she thought wrong.

So her thumbs shot out a reply that didn’t even bother giving excuses, she didn’t care enough frankly.

_**EB:** can’t, sorry._

And no sooner had she sent that, did she rush back to her message screen with Jake to finally see what he had said. Her breath caught in her throat when she saw the short reply as the onslaught of memories came flooding back.

_**JM:** seventh & sprinkles at 7?_

He’d remembered.

After all this time he remembered their bakery. Surely that meant something…right?

A small, smile tugged at her lips- she could feel herself filling with hope once more. It had all but vanished only a few months ago- dimming at Nick’s dreaded words and finally disappearing in a puff of smoke at Joe Smith’s death. But now, here it was again. That bud of hope threatening to burst from its confines like a flower in the early spring warmth.

That hope is what pushed her onward—past the fear of confirming their breakfast tomorrow, past the stress of choosing an outfit that morning, past the anxiety of gently pushing open the door to hear the familiar tinkling of bells as she instantly recognized the back of Jake’s head.

That hope surged when he pivoted at the noise, turning to face her with a genuine smile on his face. His hair was cut shorter, glasses gone, suit jacket replaced by a simple sage-colored cotton tee. It was so unlike the Jake she knew, but at the same time, all the more fitting.

Ellie froze in place only a couple feet inside the savory sweet smelling bakery as Jake took one, two steps to close the distance. She could see the hesitant smile on his face, could note the apprehensive glint to his eye as he leaned forward- head tipping slightly as his hand reached out to delicately cup her elbow and his lips brushed a whisper of a kiss across her upper cheekbone.

Her eyes shimmered and her pulse thumped as he drifted back and finally broke the silence.

“Hey, El-“ pausing as his eyes searched her face, “I’ve missed you.”


	3. like heaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She never would.

It wouldn’t have caught his eye normally. It wouldn’t have even garnered a second glance. But that tinkling of laughter drifting out the cracked bakery window was way, way too familiar. Mixed with the rich smell of chocolate and butter, hearing that laughter was like heaven.

His feet froze in place as his head slowly pivoted to peek in the antique window. A waterfall of blonde waves tousled as the woman’s shoulders shook with laughter, a delicate hand reaching out to lightly grasp the bicep of her companion. A companion whose smile was bright along his scruff, but didn’t quite reach his eyes. It was unnerving to a bystander and yet somehow, the woman didn’t seem to pay any mind.

He found himself watching in slow motion to the man leaning across the small café table to whisper in the blonde’s ear, the resulting giggle unmistakable.

_Ellie_.

The gut instinct to bulldoze down the door and string up her bakery companion by his phony neck was overpowering and disquieting. Nick didn’t even know the man, yet he was fully prepared to put him in a chokehold for a woman that wasn’t his.

_Fuck_.

He had to leave and he had to leave now. He couldn’t deal with another Boyd or another Richard scenario. He couldn’t. He couldn’t deal with a man on a date with Ellie unless it was with him.

Maybe that was overprotective of him...but maybe it was an emotion he’d rather not dive into. Maybe he should unstick his feet from the concrete slab currently holding them prison. Maybe he should get the fuck over to the office before he got caught leering.

All because he wanted to surprise Ellie with her favorite coffee and croissant. A while back Nick had struck up a deal with her neighbor to text him whenever they’d heard Ellie up in the middle of the night screaming. Nick knew she’d never admit to the night terrors, but it hadn’t taken long to recognize the signs. Besides- he’d had his fair share.

If he got a text, she got a baked good. It was simple, and hell- she probably didn’t even catch on. But if it could bring a smile to her face after a miserable night, Nick would do it over and over again in a heartbeat.

But not today. No today, she had someone else taking care of her.

The cliché rang through his head: she didn’t need no man. But that wasn’t quite true was it? It wasn’t that she didn’t need a man...

_She just didn’t need him._

_She never would._


	4. worth the fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She wanted to be happy.

She felt light. Airy almost. Just like the flaky croissant settling nicely in her stomach.

Dealing with another horrific night of startling awake, drenched in sweat that masked as lake water in her dream, screaming from the depths of darkness, was infinitely easier with a little buttery goodness filling her soul. Jake’s company hadn’t hurt, but Ellie knew she took comfort in that cup of smooth coffee and sweet pastry. It was almost like her body had been conditioned that way. She wasn’t quite sure when or how that happened, but subconsciously her body sought out that comfort food after a hard night, and by some mystery of the universe she didn’t dare to question- it would appear.

Jake had run out to catch a cab into the city, but not before pressing a soft kiss to the cheek on his way up from the chair. Her cheek had tingled at a foggy memory of their wedding day- a chaste kiss dolled out before they went their separate ways to get dressed.

As Ellie made her way to work she let her mind wander.

Could this work? _He seemed different._  
Could they connect again? _He left the NSA- work wouldn’t be in the way._  
Could they love again? _He seemed open…was she?_

In no time, she’d arrived at the Navy Yard and conjured an answer.

She’d give it one hell of a try.

And with that, she ascended the elevator feeling more settled and content than she had entering this building in a long, long time.

Humming she deposited her jacket and bag at their usual spots and muttered a hello to her confused counterparts.

McGee piped up first, “You seem, uh...chipper today, Bishop.” The thinly veiled accusation not even bothering her despite being accompanied by waves of displeasure emanating from Nick in the other corner.

Ellie glanced up at McGee, “What? A girl can’t have a good morning without getting the third degree?”

McGee did a characteristic cock of his head before rebuking, “You’ve had good mornings before, and this isn’t one of them.” He narrowed his eyes slightly and continued, “Something’s different...”

Nick had yet to join in, but Kasie wasted no time bounding around the corner to finish McGee’s thought, “Oooooh Bishop got a guy!” she sang out.

Ellie cringed at the momentary hurt flash across Nick’s face in the corner of her eye. She hadn’t wanted to tell the team, much less him yet.

McGee’s eyes popped open as it clicked and almost involuntarily they slid over to assess Nick before quickly snapping back to Ellie.

Kasie practically bounced on her toes in front of Ellie’s desk, “Come on Bishop! Spill.”

The demand excited and terrified her. But as much as she wanted to gush over the little flirty details of her morning with Kasie, she knew the other two thirds of her audience would not approve.

A dismissive shake of her head and a Ellie tried to brush it off, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, there’s no guy.”

She attempted to go on about her usual morning routine by dropping into her seat and powering on her laptop, but Kasie was having none of it. Suddenly her nose within inches of her face and her eyes scanned her own.

“I may not be a special agent, but I’m a forensic scientist. And I _know_ when I smell another man’s cologne on you, Bishop.” Kasie inhaled deeply as she unfolded herself, wafting her hands beneath her nose to compliment the charade. Ellie stiffened at her next words, “Mmm a rich base, with hints of pine- a mere attempt at being welcoming, but the undertones of...what is that? Cardamom?” Kasie’s eyes landed on Ellie’s in an unrelenting stare, “Yes, that’s what gives away the guys arrogance. Almost like a lawyer.”

Ellie almost sputtered. Kasie’s surprising accuracy was enough to send her off kilter.

Still struggling to find a rebuttal, Ellie sat wide-eyes staring at the smug grin on Kasie’s face as her friend unknowingly opened a ginormous, divorce-sized can of worms.

And as if on cue, McGee’s head slowly peeled out from behind Kasie, “Bishop,” his voice full of warning, “don’t tell me...”

“Don’t say it, Tim.” Ellie interrupted quickly standing to her feet, a lethal glare on her face. “I don’t want to hear it.”

Ellie rounded her desk and stood in front of his, the face-off continuing.

His mouth opened to fight it, yet his eyes stayed locked with hers in a silent argument. Her eyes pleaded with him, begged him to leave her be- let her make her own decisions.

Her voice softened, “Please, Tim just- drop it. If I can give him a second chance, you can too.” Ellie let out a wry chuckle, “Besides, I’ve already got three brothers, I don’t need a fourth.”

McGee’s mouth closed to form a thin line, cleary unhappy with her decision to go back to Jake, but not willing to hash this out and make Ellie upset.

Ellie backed up a step, happy with his response- or lack thereof- and flirted her eyes between the three coworkers. Kasie a little taken aback at the turn in conversation, McGee looking like he just sucked on a lemon, and then there was Nick.

Nick, who still hadn’t said a word.  
Nick, who didn’t even bat an eye when Kasie revealed Ellie’s brand new secret.  
Nick, who seemed calmer than she’d ever seen him.

Ellie stared at him a beat longer, willing him to say something, _anything_.

When he stayed mute, she had her answer.

_She wasn’t worth the fight._

At least, not in his eyes.

Ellie sucked in a tight breath through her teeth, certainly there was a cliché in this situation somewhere, but at this point- she was too over it to care.

Her croissant high was wearing off and the depths of the lake was pulling her under. Ellie needed out of this orange jail, needed to breathe- now.

She wanted to be happy. She _needed_ to be happy.

She would _not_ die alone.

And if that couldn’t be Nick, well...Jake would just have to do.


	5. far, far away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (beware: more language in this chapter - it's angry!Nick, sue me)

He watched her face crack ever so slightly. Watched it fall when she finally looked away from him. Watched the determination set in as she collected her laptop and took off towards autopsy.

Nick wanted to stop her, truly he did. His entire being screamed after her- pulling with such a force he thought he’d rip in two. But he couldn’t. _She was happy_. According to McGee, happier than she’d been in a while.

Nick tried desperately not to think about what that said for him.

 _She was happy_.

If he had to repeat that phrase a hundred times an hour, so be it. But in this moment, he needed to _not_ lash out- he needed to keep the peace. He’d learned the hard way, meddling in Ellie’s relationships got him nowhere.

No sense in letting the past repeat itself. No matter how much the war raged within him to fight for her- he refused to sabotage her like before.

“Oooooo-kay,” Kasie interjected dramatically, “someone needs to tell ya girl what’s going on. Bishop was happy and now she’s gone.” Her eyes bore into Nick momentarily—causing him to reflexively raise his hands in mock surrender—until they settled back on McGee, who looked about ready to fall through the floor or punch a guy- it was a strange combination.

Kasie pointedly pivoted on her heel and stalked the three steps over to McGee’s desk. Bending down to slam her hands on his tabletop, she elicited a slight jump to his torso.

“Spill, McGossip.” It wasn’t a question.

Tim looked shocked at Kasie’s reference to Tony’s classic nicknames, but her stern expression wiped his dumbfounded look off, real quick.

He stuttered as Nick stayed silent, unmoving, “I- I- I can’t.” McGee shook his head and his eyes fell to his lap, “I can’t say.”

Kasie straightened but wasn’t done, “Timothy McGee we can do this the hard way- where I go full throttle forensic scientist badass and figure it out, or,” she paused once again skirting her eyes back to Nick, almost as if she were checking on him, “we can do this the easy way- where you tell me and we can move on with our day.”

Kasie had brought her eyes back to McGee, and you could tell he was weighing his options—drag this out or rip off the bandaid.

He choose the latter, “Sounds like Bishop is seeing her ex, Jake.” He practically spit out his name at the end, a very uncharacteristic show of disgust by the senior field agent.

Nicks teeth ground together at the mention of Ellie’s ex. He’d never cared to know what the man looked like, so he hasn’t recognized him in the café this morning. Knowing Ellie had been practically cuddling the guy in public though- a man she once loved enough to marry- sent a nice wave of nausea through him.

Kasie piped in again, clueless to the storm brewing inside Nick, “Wait...Jake as in Bishop’s ex-husband, Jake?”

McGee nodded and didn’t even bother pointing out that was exactly what he’d just said. He looked pained at each mention of his name, a reaction that confused Nick. Because sure- it’s a bummer Ellie got divorced and that she was going back to him, but why would McGee be so upset about it? Especially if Ellie was apparently happy? Why the visceral reaction from someone removed from the actual relationship?

_What the hell went so wrong?_

Nick came up with only one conclusion. One. And boy, that nausea turned to hot fury so fast.

Voice low and gravelly while his throat closed in anger, he finally spoke, “What did he do, Tim?”

McGee’s eyes snapped over to Nick, mirroring Kasie’s equally surprised expression at his sudden, serious interjection.

Sweat visibly beaded on his brow, “It’s uh- it’s not my place to say.”

Nicks fists clenched at his sides and his jaw ached from grinding his mouth shut. His posture shifted just slightly, but the entire room felt it. Kasie looked ready to flee, but unwilling to let Nick go on a rampage. McGee looked like he desired to be literally anywhere else but this very situation.

Nick repeated again, slowing it down for him this time, “What- did he- do, Tim?”

McGee gulped and Kasie had her hands raised as if that’d calm Nick down. In a shaky voice Tim finally gave him something, “It’s Ellie’s story to tell...” Nick’s head cocked slightly and McGee spit the rest out, “but let’s just say, I’m shocked Gibbs and Tony let him live.”

And that confirmed his suspicion. The one person who never, ever deserved it- who was the most wholesome spitfire he’d ever met, got cheated on. By a lowlife piece of shit that was about to string her along again.

“She’s giving him a second chance though, Nick,” Kasie interrupted his thoughts, “Maybe he’s changed?”

Nick bit back the ironic cackle that threatened to break free, “People don’t change. Trust me.” _I know from experience_ , he almost added.

The cliché was true- people didn’t change, look at him for instance. Still too much of a chickenshit, or as Ziva would call it, a wuss, to do anything about his love for Ellie. Instead he was here, getting pissed in a bullpen about a situation he couldn’t do a damn thing about. Why? Because he promised Ellie he wouldn’t. He promised her he wouldn’t interfere with her dating life...he just wish he had clarified certain exceptions with her before. Maybe then he wouldn’t have found himself in an impossible scenario—meddle and make her mad, or let it go and risk Jake breaking her heart...again.

Nick exhaled despite his fists never unclenching.

_Fuck._

* * *

In two weeks he had managed to stay in his lane. He’d somehow overcome the overwhelming desire to butt in and ruin yet another relationship of Ellie’s. It wasn’t easy, and it surely hadn’t been pretty- but for two weeks he’d done it. No thanks to the pointed looks and nods from Kasie. Nick knew she meant well, but she also hadn’t been on the receiving end of disappointment from Ellie.

But then the text came through.

One he hadn’t seen in almost two weeks, and for that he’d been grateful, hopeful even.

The simple few words blazoned across his screen like a sad reminder of his life only a mere 14 days ago.

“ _Don’t forget the chocolate_.”

Nick’s heart sank in his chest— _Ellie_.

Her neighbor sent their agreed upon code, and Nick wasn't about to forget the chocolate filling in the croissant. It meant she’d had a particularly rough night, and damn if Nick wasn’t already on his way to her favorite café because he couldn’t fucking help himself apparently.

Two steps past the threshold and he could just pick out that damned cardamom scent. Kasie’s warning of only an arrogant man would dare wear that spice ringing in his ears.

Nick steeled himself to face the happy couple—the giggling Ellie as her waves perfectly framed her rosy cheeks while Jake went to place a kiss on them. Truly he should’ve expected to see them here, and yet the moment he got the text he went into autopilot. Almost as if deep down he would never be able to stop caring for her- _stop loving her_ , a deep, scary thought crossed his mind.

So before taking another step toward the counter, Nick turned his head to the daintily kept seating area, resigned to his fate of an unwelcome run-in.

He tasted the bile in his mouth the second Jake’s dirty blonde head came into view—the spark in his eyes as he smiled revolting. It had been missing that first day in the café, but oh- it was there today. He was into it one hundred percent.

Nick felt his protein shake turning in his stomach.

HIs eyes passed over from Jake’s face to the back of a...brunette…head?

_Wait. What the fuck?_

Nick knew Ellie, like _knew_ Ellie. And that sure as fuck was _not_ Ellie.

He felt that anger rising, his body heating in response. He tried reasoning with himself, _maybe it’s just a close friend…maybe._

Yet reason flew out the damn window when Jake’s chair was scraping across the linoleum and he bent to place a less-than-decent kiss on the lips of brunette lady before waltzing past Nick without so much as a second glance at him.

Nick was past heated- he was a ball of white hot rage. _That son of a bitch…_

He was out the door on Jake’s heels in a matter of seconds. Nick calculated his next move carefully- he knew it had to be discrete, yet powerful. It had to get the job done without upsetting Ellie. It had to send a crystal clear message without breaking the asshole’s nose, _unfortunately_.

Stopping mere inches from him, Nick stood right behind Jake’s shoulder as they waited for the light to change.

Nick chose as much tact as he could physically manage with his heart pounding and fists aching to wring the pathetic excuse for a human’s neck. Leaning forward just slightly, his voice a whisper that promised hell to pay, “You will tell her. And you will tell her now. She deserves to know how much you haven’t changed. Don’t think for a fucking second you can pull this shit again, Jake Malloy. They may have let you off the hook easy last time, but Tony and Gibbs aren’t here are they? I would not hesitate, Jake. _Would- not- hesitate_.”

He heard the breath sucked in between tight teeth, knew Jake wouldn’t even dare turning around to see the man who’d outed him.

Before he even had the opportunity to imagine refuting Nick’s demand, Nick about-faced and called out over his shoulder, “Now, Jakey. You’ve got twenty minutes before I’m in the office. And then stay far, _far_ away from her- you don’t fucking deserve her.”

Nick refused to entertain the idea he didn’t either, he wasn’t going there this morning. His anger was focused solely on the cheating scum that actually deserved it. No need for an episode of self-deprecation today.

The bells chimed too cheerfully for his current mood. Finally making his way to the counter, he could see Leah already reaching for the chocolate croissant. She unfolded her lanky frame to see his quite murderous expression and wordlessly bent her head back into the display case to come away with a pumpkin streusel muffin, too.

Just a knowing nod of her head and his favorite barista uttered the words he needed to hear, “I’ll make it a large today- on the house.”

The piping hot latte was in his hands before he’d even processed her words. Leah gracefully pushed the card he robotically extended back towards Nick before repeating her earlier words, “On the house, Nick.” Her expression turned soft as she spoke quietly, “I hope tonight is better.”

A tight-lipped curt nod without words and Nick took Ellie’s comfort food to finally head into the office, grateful for the silent army prepared to support Ellie thanklessly.

She was about to be in desperate need of that support, Nick cringed as the weight of the past half hour’s events fell squarely on his shoulders.

He knew he was right, she had to know. She _deserved_ to know.

But fuck he wished it wouldn’t hurt her. Wished he could wipe away that inevitable pain before it even surfaced.

Nick squared his shoulders for the onslaught of emotion that was to come, and had one parting thought from the morning:

_Fuck Jake._


	6. her turn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hoping to finally finish this one tomorrow! decided to split the end into two chapters 😬

The crunch of her salt-laden chip not nearly as satisfying as it should be. Even the hints of sugar weaving between her taste buds fell on deaf ears. She sat unseeingly at the cubicle wall in front of her. The empty, dingy blue-gray wall that had yet to be plastered with personal mementos.

How after almost two years no agent at this desk seemed to “stick” was beyond Ellie. She did her best not to dwell on how not a single soul would fill the big-hearted shoes Clay left. But even when the somber memories intertwined with the happy ones, Ellie was always grateful for the perpetual emptiness of this spot. Her spot to get away from it all. To tune out the near-constant buzz of the bullpen, the hum of electricity in a particularly dicey case. It was her spot, and it had a perfect record for tuning out the bad.

Well, at least, it used to.

_Crunch._

Nothing. The usual salty sweet joy during a rough case that came from chowing down on her secret stash of ketchup and praline crisps in Clay’s old drawer was no where to be found.

She knew why, though.

This wasn’t _just_ a bad case. No, it was a hell of a lot worse. It was a night full of unending reaching, and reaching, and reaching toward the floating white speck in the inky black chasm that seemed to laugh at her the closer she got to it. Her screams muffled as her mouth filled with water each time, her hands never quite reaching to grab little baby Cody. But then in a flash his form morphed to the blinding headlights of a Lamborghini racing towards her- no time to react as her arms instinctively went up to shield her face. Her high pitched scream dulled underwater. Slowly as she lowered her arms, Ellie realized the headlight had been replaced by the neon white characteristic of hospital fluorescent lighting. The unyielding black hole she felt when Nick was in a coma threatened to pull her under. This time it wasn’t a scream, her throat choked with a sob. Waking up to a soaked pillow and damn cheeks, Ellie near refused to interpret her most recent nightmare.

_Her biggest fear was losing Nick._

She wouldn’t go there, she was with Jake.

A wry, twisted laugh escaped her chest at that thought. If she didn’t laugh, she’d start crying all over again.

She _was_ with Jake, emphasis on the past tense. Turns out- people truly didn’t change. At least if her phone call just a few minutes ago was any indication.

_“Ellie, I- uh, I,” he stuttered._

_“Jake, what’s wrong? I thought you had an important client meeting this morning?” she questioned as he hesitated._

_A muttered curse word preceded his next babbling, “God, I- uh. He said I only have twenty minutes…shit. Ellie, I-“_

_Her pulse quickened at his words, “Jake are you in trouble? Who said you only had twenty minutes?” He was started to scare her._

_A sad, defeated chuckle sounded from the other end of the line, “I’m not in trouble, well- not in the way you mean.” His sigh was palpable through the phone, “Ellie. I can’t do this. I thought I could give it another shot, really I did. I know a long time ago I loved you, and man you deserve the world Ellie. But, but I’m just not the man who can give you the world. There’s a lot of things I need to work on, and they all start with me. I never wanted to hurt you Ellie, truly I didn’t. I hope one day you understand that and forgive me. For now- I’m done with the charades, I’m gonna let this pipe dream of us together go. And, I uh, I hope you find someone, El. Someone who makes you happy, you don’t deserve anything less.”_

_Ellie was speechless. So many thoughts and no thoughts swirled in her head._

_Jake muttered something about only taking five despite his allotted twenty and then the line clicked dead._

In the chaos of the phone call she’d picked up on two major points.

First, _Jake_ broke up with _her_.

And second, someone coerced him to?

The final point the most mind-boggling given how very, very few people knew her and Jake had started to see each other again. But…as she thought back through his mini monologue, it sounded as if he’d gone back to his old ways. A wave of nausea threatened at the pain that incited. _But someone caught him._

_Who?_

Ellie’s internal hamster wheel came rocking to a stop as she heard a body shuffle in off the elevator- shocked at the early arrival of this apparent go-getter. She huddled into the cubicle a bit tighter to hide herself, right now was easily not the time to dive into random discourse with a stranger.

The fresh, clean scent with hints of cedar slipped its way over the cubicle wall though and assaulted her senses. That wasn’t a stranger…

Ellie stretched out her neck ever so slightly to try and catch a glimpse of her early morning pity fest intruder and confirm her suspicions.

Instantaneously her left hand clamped over her mouth to prevent the gasp from escaping and she thanked the gods she didn’t spill her chips.

_Nick._

He’d paused at her desk, for only the briefest of seconds, and then meandered on down past his desk toward the back hall.

_What the heck was he doing here?_

Waiting a beat past his disappearance, Ellie lifted herself from Clay’s old chair and peered over the wall. Her heart stopped at the sight.

A warmed chocolate-filled croissant, pumpkin streusel muffin, and large piping hot latte.

Three items that most certainly were not on her desk twenty minutes ago.

_Holy shit. Jake._

Ellie looked down at her watch and confirmed what she already knew to be true in her gut—about twenty minutes ago, Nick caught Jake. Nick forced him to come clean. Nick did that. For her.

And then the second wave of world upheaval came crashing over her—it was Nick. Nick was the secret pastry supplier. Nick, the self-proclaimed not touchy feely man, brought her baked goods. And _oh shit_ , that’s how her nightmares hadn’t felt too bad.

_Nick._

She wasn’t sure how he’d done it but he’d managed to always know. Always know exactly when she’d had a bad night. Always know exactly how to make it better. And never took the credit.

Ellie figured instantly she had two ways to play this—wallow in the hurt that was good ol’ Jake Malloy being cliché Jake Malloy again. Or—the more appealing option—confront Nick for real this time.

And Ellie knew how to do just that. But this time she’d be prepared for it, no more talk of sisterly love. Nick wouldn’t be hiding behind his armor of lies, no- he’d shown how much he cared for her.

Now, it was her turn.


End file.
